What if you’re never ready to have a baby? In a world that expects motherhood, questioning it can feel isolating—but it’s okay to choose your path. In a quiet expectation that at some point in adulthood, an internal switch will flip. The maternal instinct will kick in, and the desire to nurture a child will become all-consuming. But what happens if that moment never comes? What if the idea of having a baby always feels like something meant for someone else?
From childhood, we’re fed a narrative that places motherhood as the ultimate milestone. We grow up watching women in our families devote themselves to parenting while movies and books romanticize the idea that having a child is the inevitable next chapter of a woman’s life. Yet, for many, that chapter never feels like it belongs in their story. In a world where biological clocks are constantly discussed, the pressure to decide before time runs out can feel suffocating.
It’s not that I don’t love children. I adore my friends’ kids, revel in their laughter, and admire the depth of love that parenthood seems to bring. But the idea of shouldering that responsibility myself? Of altering my entire life, sacrificing my time, my autonomy, my body? The thought is overwhelming. And so, I ask myself: Is there something wrong with me? Am I missing that elusive maternal gene?
Society doesn’t make space for uncertainty when it comes to motherhood. There’s a binary: you either want children or you don’t. If you hesitate, people assume you’ll change your mind, that you’ll regret it if you don’t take the plunge. “You’ll feel differently when you meet the right person,” they say. “You’ll want a baby when you see your friends having them.” But what if I don’t? What if I never feel differently?
The hardest part of this uncertainty isn’t just grappling with my feelings but dealing with how others perceive them. My ambivalence is often met with disbelief, as if the mere idea of not yearning for a child is unnatural. Yet, as I navigate this, I find solace in the growing number of women who are choosing lives that don’t center around motherhood. Some are career-driven, and others prioritize adventure, relationships, or simply the ability to exist without the immense responsibility of raising another human. Their lives are full, valid, and rich with meaning—proving that fulfillment comes in many forms.
Perhaps, the real question isn’t whether I’ll ever be ready to have a baby but whether I’m okay with the possibility that I may never want to be. And maybe, just maybe, that answer is enough.